One of the most common questions in men’s dating is: How do I get out of the friend zone?
While a simple enough concept to understand—no one likes to be involuntarily removed from consideration for intimacy—it presents a number of problems that need to be dealt with before I can present you with some avenues out of this dreaded position.
Relationships Are Based on Precedent
Whatever has happened before in the relationship is expected to continue, so if you’ve been the friendly, nonsexual shoulder for her to lean on the past, breaking that expectation is definitely going to affect the nature of your interactions with her.
Guys get into the friend zone by adopting a playing not to lose rather than playing to win philosophy. They avoid taking risks, demonstrating their true desires, or making any kind of move that could be perceived as sexual.
The fundamental issue is this: you are still the same guy that got into the friend zone in the first place. If you want to be the guy who isn’t in the friend zone, then be a completely different guy than you are being now.
Be Willing to Ruin the Friendship
If you want to get out of the friend zone, you can’t be her friend. You have to come to grips with the idea that you either going to a) ruin the friendship and never see her again and have her pissed off at you, or you’re going to b) ruin the friendship by creating what you really already want—something beautiful and intimate.
So, truly ask yourself: how badly do I want the friendship? If you want her as a friend more than you’re willing to risk it, then you’re fine where you are. If you want her as a friend more than you want intimacy, then you’re fine where you are. Accept your own decision. If not, you’re going have to take a chance and ruin the friendship.
Show Your True Intentions
If you’re ready to take that chance, begin to show your intentions: look her in the eye, get closer to her, be willing to address sexual topics with her . . . and be willing to escalate the interaction to an intimate plane.
Be the guy who takes a risk and actually makes a move on the girl. The reason you got yourself in the friend zone in the first place is because you didn’t make a move.
Be Loved or Hated—Not Liked
Be willing to piss her off. If you get into an argument, don’t just back down and comfort her like a friend would. Stand up for yourself and understand that most likely, she will get mad at you. She got used to you being her confidant, that guy who was always there for her while she fucked other guys. If she liked that you played this role, it will be disturbing to her for you to act “out of character.”So there’s a high likelihood she’s not going react well. Be prepared for this.
You need to be polarizing. Be loved or hated—not liked. The friend is the guy who’s liked. The friend is pleasant. The girl doesn’t mind his being around. He doesn’t offend her or anyone else. The guy who gets laid, the guy who actually fucks her—he’s the guy who she thinks of when she says, He’s such an asshole, I hate that fucking guy. . . . But he’s so hot. That’s the guy you want to be: again, the guy who’s either loved or hated—not liked.
Create a Lifestyle with a No Friend-Zone
A key tenet to having game is the second you can’t walk away from the woman, it’s over. You’re fucked. You’ve lost all your leverage and value, and she will lose attraction and eventually walk all over you. You’re no longer an alpha male with abundance; you’re the needy guy building his whole world around one girl, giving her all the power.
Create an abundant lifestyle filled with other women and let the girls who’ve friend-zoned you see it in action. Go out, meet tons of other women, and let your “female friends”get jealous and wonder why they suddenly don’t have some attention from you, their so-called “friend.”
The best thing about the lifestyle option is, even if you don’t get that one girl you hoped to remove from the friend-zone, you’ll eventually have tons of girls hotter than she is to focus your intentions on. You won’t care. Ah, abundance—the great equalizer.