How To Be An Aloof Asshole… For Fun And Sex

Todd Uncategorized

If you’ve watched infield footage of me meeting girls, you might have noticed that I have a different style to most “pick-up artists”. I’m very low energy, some say smooth, even effortless. When people try to copy my style, it’s easy to think I’m not doing much of anything, so you don’t have to either. That’s not true at all. I’m subtle, but I’m very purposeful… and I have a secret weapon.

I’m an aloof asshole.

It’s kind of a funny.

If I were low energy without a little bit of aloof asshole, I’d likely be boring.

If I were a high energy asshole, it would be offensive and tacky.

But the combination, as is, works with ruthless efficiency.

What I’d like to do, is tell you a little bit about my journey to developing this style of game

Growing up, I basically had two manners of interacting with the world. I was situationally confident in some areas because I was good at them. I was a state chess champion as a kid, and a top soccer player. So in those contexts I was insufferably arrogant. I was also an annoying know-it-all in the classroom. However this lead to me deriving a lot of my self-worth from being good at things.

For this reason, I became a bit defensive and insecure when I was in settings where I didn’t feel confident. This insecurity lead me to mainly just be quiet and try not to be noticed. My main motivation was to avoid pain or social rejection.

Being a wallflower and avoiding pain obviously didn’t work with girls.

Situational confidence worked… but only to a point. Girls would actually get crushes on me. But once the idea of anything like dating was on the table, I was no longer in a situation where I had situational confidence and I’d either blow it or run away.

One thing I did have, in both contexts, was the ability to be an asshole.

Bystander: “Who won?”

Todd: “Me… of course.”

or

Annoying Classmate: “Excuse me.”

Todd: “There’s no excuse for you.”

But it didn’t quite come off, either socially or as a dating strategy. I was all the wrong kinds of polarizing, but at least I did get a reaction… when I wasn’t being a wallflower.

There was one very important lesson that kept coming up over and over again though: When I didn’t care for a girl, she’d start to like me. As soon as I liked her, I’d start turning her off.

Fast Forward To College… When I Started Doing Cold Approach

One of the major motivations for me getting into game was a book called “Making People Talk”. It’s an old out-of-print book from the 70’s that I swear now sells only because I recommend it to people (if you view it on amazon.com, all the ‘you might also like’ recommendations are pickup books).

That said, it was also a brilliant book for me to come across because it made me social. It taught me how to get people to open up and enjoy conversations because I became aware of two things:

  1. I had to “assume the burden” of making conversations occur.
  2. The purpose of conversation is often just to converse. It’s not all about agenda, but moreĀ about the feelings of the participants.

I started talking to people, with the idea of getting them to talk, open up, and feel special. Because I got good and friendly reactions from people I no longer feared starting conversations. However, once I was in a decent conversation… I was all fear. Fear of escalation being primary.

I’d learned to get good reactions, but I’d learned to do it by being really nice.

This is problematic because this ends you up in the “friend zone” a lot. Especially if you never escalate. And the friendlier you are, the more you don’t want to escalate for fear of “giving your value away”… also known as being needy and obvious.

At the time, the only thing I knew was high value was being unavailable.

My philosophy was a lot like what you see in this movie clip:

Now the problem with “being gone” is that it’s very tough to get a girl to sleep with you when she’s not in your presence… it might work sometimes within a social circle, but on cold-approach pickup, forget about it.

So let’s recap. I started out as an anti-social asshole… and I got attraction sometimes and even certain girls chasing, but I never made any connection with girls and I couldn’t choose the girls I wanted.

Then I became a social nice guy, and I learned to talk to the girls I liked and get occasional dates, but there was a lack of attraction and chasing.

This is when I properly entered the pickup community

I learned about concepts like “cocky and funny”, “the neg”, and “active disinterest”. And they actually made sense to me BECAUSE I HAD PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE. I learned about opinion openers and I knew they weren’t about mindlessly repeating a vapid story. They were about engaging a girl without being try hard.

The reason all the pickup material worked for me was that I had already experienced not just one, but both, of the conditions that structured pickup was designed to solve.

Most guys who learn about negs and other pick-up tactics become annoying assholes, because they never learned to interact in a caring and friendly way.

Most guys who learn to self-amuse, talk to everyone, and bring good energy, end up in aimless conversations to nowhere, because they never learned to be aloof.

I had practice at both, and that’s why, when I finally learned structured game, I took to it like a duck to water. With my previous experiences, it all just made so much sense.