There is an idea repeated endlessly in the pickup community that “looks don’t matter.”
What a load of horse shit! Of course looks matter.
The real question is HOW MUCH do looks matter, and WHY do pickup coaches want you to believe that they don’t?
You want evidence looks matter… okay, here you go:
Obviously GETTING APPROACHED by girls makes the game a lot easier. But it’s not the whole story.
I remember a friend I once had in Hollywood, who was very good looking. How attractive was he? Well, he made money by playing the hunky extra in high school and college football movies, if that gives you any idea. We’d go out to bars with him and girls would come up to him and open him. However… if we (me and other pickup coaches) were standing near him and started talking to the girls… we could get the girls’ attention very easily and have the girls prefer us.
So what does attractiveness do then?
It buys you time. It buys you a window of opportunity. If you’re very ugly you may only get a few seconds to make a good impression. If you’re very attractive, you will probably get much longer.
But TECHNICALLY… for the vast majority of guys. YOU CAN OVERCOME APPEARANCE WITH BAD GAME.
It’s also important to note, that APPEARANCE DOES NOT JUST MEAN PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.
Style, fitness, and body language probably contribute more to your attractiveness than things like your facial symmetry or skin do, as a man.
By the way… here is a more in-depth version of the video above, where we explore a lot of the nuances.
Okay… so looks are clearly important. Why do pickup coaches say “look don’t matter?”
It’s a (sometimes) helpful lie.
You see if you think looks matter and you don’t happen to be good looking, you have an excuse to not take action, not approach a girl, not work on your game, not improve.
If you think looks matter and you’re not wearing your best clothes, you have every excuse to wait for a better time.
So the belief that looks matter is not helpful in the moment. The belief in the moment should be the Voltaire quote in this article’s thumbnail.
“Give me ten minutes to talk away my ugly face, and I will bed the Queen of France.”
That’s the way you should think, in the moment. You are in control of the situation and all you need is a window of time for any girl to like you. That’s much more effective for getting you to take right action.
However… in the longer term. You CAN improve your looks. You can get a better haircut. You can go to the gym. You can dress better.
All of these will give you a massive advantage.
So do looks matter. Yes.
Should you BELIEVE they matter.
Yes… and no.
In the moment. No. Rely on yourself and your game. In the long run, work on your appearance and maximize every advantage available to you.